I Review Starkit's Prophecy
by DNACat
Summary: I, for your entertainment, am going to read this infamous fanfiction. While also praying that I don't lose my sanity and hope of life half way true. I think I'm going to kill myself!
1. Chapter 1

Chpater oen prouloge

The cats gathered around a pool.

They all looked into it eagerly. A dark shape appeared on the surface.

 **Since when do random 'Dark Shapes' randomly appear on water surfaces?**

A blue she cat looked up. Her eyes were bright.

 **A blue she-cat. You couldn't have called her 'Bluestar'? We're off to a great start so far :/**

"There is a prophecy!" She said. "out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."

 **Holly? Has the author even finished the series? Since when was Hollyleaf evil. For fuck sake make it 'The evil tiger and dove.' Please ;-;**

"Its about StarKit!" A white tom said. "Shes going to save the forest," He looked at a gold tom by BlueStar.

 **Yeah, we're all fucked.**

"she has powers nobody dreamed of." Said the gold tom.

 **What if** _ **I**_ **dreamed of 'em?**

"Should we tell JayFeather?" He asked.

 **No. He doesn't need to know that a kit is going to save the forest. Otherwise the whole forest is gonna be heading for bomb shelters.**

"Yes." Said BlueStar. "he needs to know."

 **Cop on Bluestar! You're meant to be smart ._.**

She walked away from the pool to tell JayFeather about the prophcy.

 **JAYFEATHER! DON'T GO TO SLEEP!**

did u like it? plz tell me in urm review!

 **Oh of course I** _ **loved**_ **it! I am the best review love me and give me attention. You inconsiderate asshole for making this. *Whispers* You've killed us all!**


	2. Chapter 2 the rose of a Heroin (Drugs?)

ok jazzie-kun pleas dont get mad at me cause your not in it yet. You'l apear soon dont worry.

 ***Nudges 'Jazzie-kun'* Run for the hills man. Your name will be a disgrace.**

StarKit wock up and sunlit was in the branches.

 **Sun'lit' was in the branches? You fuckin' wot mate?**

She closed her eyes againstill tired. Butter mom wouldn't let her sleep not today.

 **So her mom is a stick of 'butter'. Wow. *Nudges Jayfeather* I thought you were lactose intolerant.**

"Sweety its time to get up" said Dawnsparkle; her eys shinning. "Today is important today."

" **Today is the day, that the clan sacrifice you to hold back the Dark Forest."**

"What is it Mom" said StarKit awake right away. Then the she cat rememembered what today was.

 **You're excited about being sacrificed?**

"Ohmigosh its my serimony today!' she squelled excercisedly. Today was the day she was an apprentice!

 **Crap. *Points a gun to Firestar's head* Please, fucking stop her.**

She flicked outside not even waiting for her Mom. But her Mom cot up to her quick.

 **Wow, that stick of butter is really fast, ain't it? Starkit, I would recommend going to the gym m8 and working on that treadmill! But then again, you're going to be sacrificed today.**

"Sweety you know the clans don't except cat slike use sometimes." She said.

 **No shit. She's a LILAC/PURPLE/RAINBOW FUCKING CAT.**

StarKit glared. She didn't lake beig told that. Just because her Mom was a usedto be Shadowclan cat and her dad was jayFeather the medicine Cat didn"t mean she ws different!

 **So you're saying, "Hollyleaf no run away! It good!"? You're fucking a retard, yeh dipshit.**

"StarPaw come here." Said FireStar from the leg. He jumped down.

 **Did Firestar get in a drunken brawl with a two-leg again? And then steal their leg? 0_0**

"StarKit it s tome for you to become an apentice: he said. "Your a strong brave cat and because of that I will mentor with you."

 **After the first day of training Starpaw, Firestar was found in the nearby river, constantly drowning himself each time he came back to life.**

Ever body gasped. StarKit did too. Se herd hear mother say "Wow!".

" **Wow. We'll be finding this ginger prick's body in the river soon!"**

Firehert liked her shoulder. He whispered in her ear "youll be the best their ever was StarPaw I know ti."

 **You like her shoulder and you know, "Ti?"? I never knew Firestar was a british pedo.**

Surpised she walked away when they were done howling for her./

 **Why are they, 'howling', ?**

Then she went ofer to JayFeathern and DawnSparkle who were very prod.

 **They were prodding each other, if you know what I mean ;)**

"Daughetr where very happy but he have to say something said Jayfeather his chest puffed ouit. "You see there is this prophcy Starcaln gave me it said that out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."

" **So a leader is gonna be part of the prophecy, cool. I bet you anything it's the ginger prick who committed suicide!"**

StarPaw gasped. What does it mean?

 **Hmm, I don't fucking know. Maybe that- Wait. EVIL HOLLY. YOU MEAN THE EVIL DOVE, RIGHT? ;-; ;-; KILL ME**

lol I update fast dont i. REVEIW or ill hit over the head with a frying pan! XDD jk

 ***Dials 911* Hey, we have a murderer on the loose here.**

* * *

Hey, I'm sorry for not updating this for a while! I was busy with shit.


	3. Chapter 3's

**Chapter three the Battle 4 the caln**

thx jazzie-kun 4 th good review! and stop flmaing the stroy!1 i bet u cant right such a good story!1!1

 **I bet I can write better. And also, 'Jazzie-kun' I told you to run!**

StarPaw walkd over too the appentice's den. Insid she saw her sister's FlamePaw and lakePaw

 **Why did her sisters become apprentices before her? Also, Jayfeather you freaking player, who else have you mated?**

and hr frend JazzPaw (a.n: jazzie-kin ur my bff!) waz slepping on the mos.

 **Jazzpaw, is your 'bff'**

"JazzPaw get up." She cried. JazzPaw opend her brlliaint blu eyes and looked at hr.

 **Why are you crying? You wimp!**

"Do yo want 2 go on pattrol wit me?" she asked.

 **Why are you deciding when you go on patrol?! BRAMBLE, BRAMBLECLAW WHERE ARE YOU?!**

"Sure!" Said JazzPaw getten up from the moss. They leavt and went two the entrnse too camp.

 **Jazzpaw, you're meant to be older and sensible…. But then again, you're a troll-fic character.**

But then, a cat came in thru the entrnce! It was BlackStar!1!11

 **I guess Blackstar wants to talk to Firestar?**

"Shadowclan are attaking!" She yelled.

 **So one, innocent leader is an 'attack'.**

All the cats came out from there dens. She jumped on a cat and clawd him and he ran of.

 **Blackstar could probably beat two ThunderClan cats on his own. Why is Starpaw so good?**

"Good job StarPaw!" FireStar called, "The last cat i new that culd fiht lik that was SandStrom. Your a good fihter!"

 **Sandstorm is way better. Also, don't congratulate her for attacking a leader without asking for an explanation.**

StarPaw was happy. She wus a good fihgter! Maybey this was wat the prophcy meant.

 **NO. It means that Hollyleaf had to team up with Tigerstar to take down the most evil cat in history!**

thnkx and ples no more flams

 **This isn't a flame, this is a review XD**

 **And also, because I'm nice, here's chapter fou-**

 **Chapter Three The Traning Under The Star**

 **Chapter Three?!**

OMGOSH GUkys im so sorry but SOMEONE glares at rainy days FLAMED ME AND I GOT REALLY HURT. OKKAY IF you dont LIKE thestor y you dont have to readit u know.

 **You hate the weather? You'll probably hate Ireland and England then.**

Chapter Three The Traning Under The Stars

 **Why a second title?**

Shadowclan run from the camp. StarPaw smiled. Shed one! Noone cod hurt her family now .

 **You literally stood there, and broke the warrior code, you numpty.**

StarPaw!" said FireStar. "Its time we train!" I want to show you how to fight!"

" **LET'S FIGHT, MOTHER FUDGER! I SHALL BRING JUSTICE TO THUNDERCLAN!" Said no-one ever.**

"Ok." Sad StarPaw happl;y. "but yo just saw I culd fight, write?" "Well, ya." said FireStar. "But I wnted tol see if that was all you new."

 **No, of course it's not all she knew, she's a day old apprentice.**

"Ok." They went to the frost togather and the other cats cleaned jp the bodies. "Ok StarPaw" said Firestar one they got their.

 **The other cats are slaves, basically?**

"We'll start with how to dog."

 **Let's go pretend to be dogs, shall we? "NO FUCKER."**

"Cmon thas too easy!" yelled StarPaw. Shed just beat BlackStar she was ready for anything!

 **Are you ready for Firestar's snake that lives in his pants?**

"ok Ok" mewled FiresTar, lets learn how to claw an oponit.

 **Firestar is upset that he didn't get to show Starpaw the dog in his pants.**

"Ya." Yowled Starkit. She jumped at FireStar not Giving hiM time to attakc.

 **ASSAULT! ASSAULT! *Runs***

"She hit his side he didn't move he was to surprise.d she clawed him and he started bledding. "wow StarPaw" he said ".Your doing awesome."

 **Was Sandstorm commentating to other cats about how Starpaw killed her mate.**

"Really?" gaped StarPaw. She didn't think she was doing that god was she relly special like the porphesy meowed?

 **The prophecy spoke to you?**

"Yes StarPaw." Snarled Firestar. "I couldnteven get away in fast enough. Only scourg was did that before.,"

 **Firestar has finally come clean to Starpaw and told her**

"OMGOSH REALLY?" asked StarPaw. Scourg?1? THE SCOURG? She dherad so muchj about him he was really evil and killed alot of cats. "I'M LIKE SCOURG?

 **Yes, you are just like Scourge. But about 10 times fucking worse.**

"I didnt mean it like that" FirePaw sad fastly. "I ment you wer a good fighter. Its really cool." At that minute he thought to himself 'Starpaws so kawaii look at her eys and her fur.

 **Is he going to take this as a chance to show her his trouser snake?**

"Oh ok thanks." They trained floor awhile later StarPaw beat FireStar 8 times once she let him win to make him fel bettar and b y the last one she was alittle tired.

 **I think Starpaw is just saying that XD**

"Hey FireStar can we hunt now." Said StarPaw. "im kinda hungry."

 **You haven't even been taught to hunt.**

"Oh we'll if you want." Firestar was disappointed he and; starPaw had been having so much fun.

 **What sort of 'fun'?**

So they went huntng, StarPaw messed up a couple times but FireStar said it was okaysince it was only her second time (she'd had her first time when she was a littlekit and she and FireStar had snuck out together that's why he chose her as his apprentice_.

 **She had her 'first time as a little kit' *dies of laughter in the corner* And what's even funnier they had snuck out together XD**

Later that night StarPaw locked up at the stars. She and Firestar had'd so much fun this day. Theyd brung back enough food for the hole clan.

 **It's a riddle, how did they carry it?**

Locking upn at the stars she turned to her best friend, JazzPaw, and said, "Do you think well ever be up there."

 **No. You'll be rotting in the Dark Forest.**

"Ya totally." Said JazzPaww. "I mean youll be l,eader and I'll be depudy one day well have too!"

 **Well, Jazzpaw, you may be the deputy of a tyrant, but hopefully you'll see common sense, and go to StarClan.**

"Ya." Said StarPaw smiling she loved JazzPaw NOT IN THAT WAY U SICKOS!) they were best friends. She loked up at the stars again and smiled and fell asleep wit the Starcaln voices whisper in her head.

" **YOU NEED TO COMMIT SUICIDE." They whisper.**

REVIEW R MY LIFE

 **WHAT?!**


	4. Chapter 'For'

**Hey guys! I know I haven't updated this much, but I'll try to update it more often.**

Chapter For StarPaws decids

flamrs ur all satanits!11 anyon who dosent like the stro is a staneist cause StarGIPaw has such a strng conecton with sTarcaln and thats why you dot like it, its cause u do ntlik JEZUS!

 **I may be Catholic, but I'm not going to discriminate against others because they don't believe in my religion -.-**

"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole."

 **Did Starpaw go to jail?**

StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund.

 **She locked all the apprentice's in, and forced her rainbow religion.**

"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow.

 **It's me…your assassinator….**

"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip wisperd in her er. StarPaw gottedup.

" **AND I AM HERE TO SLAUGHTER YOU! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1 she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr. "Wll u be my mat" hE ESked.

 **Like a door mat? That's some weird fetish you have there Grey'stip'**

"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me."

 **Starpaw, you're already bad, why not just become worse and become a two-timer?**

"wel then hes jst an idot."

 **An I. See what I did there?**

"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole."

 **I'm just not going to comment on the second copy 'n paste of this, but I'll leave it in for comedic effect.**

StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund.

"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow.

"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip wisperd in her er. StarPaw gottedup.

"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1 she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr. "Wll u be my mat" hE ESked.

"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me."

"wel then hes jst an idot."

y do u say tha?" yellED STARPaw

 **Because Firestar is a gary-sue, but then again, he's a perfectly flawed character compared to you…**

GayStrip locked at hr meanly. "i dont lik him" sqeakd GrayStripe he locked arund fastly. "hes a mean cat!

' **GayStrip' *Flips laptop off of desk* NO!**

"OMIGOSH U MEAN LIKE SCOURG?" STARPAW SHOCKED.

 **Yes, you are as bad as Scourge.**

"No ur much prtter then sourg" said Graystripe he licked her on the head I want u to be my mat." he yeleled.

" **I want to walk all over you." That is the worst pick-up line in all of history.**

"Well mabey. but what would FireStar say?" she wispereed. GrayStripe locked around agan. "I dont think he wuld mind." said GraStri;e

" **Yeah, let me just steal my best mate's girl."**

"OMIGOSH SUR THAN!" StarPaww yelleded happly.

 **Starpaw is a two-timing dog.**

"Wat ar uo ta;kin abut" said FireHert he was walkin up. He locked angrily.

" **Um…. Trouser-snakes and how to use them"**

"oh uhhhh nuthin FireStar go back to sleep!" mwled StarPaw hoppin he would leaf so she culd be alon with grayStripe.

 **Starpaw! You flirt!**

"Yah FireStra theres nithing to wory about!" cherrid GrayStrpe but Firestar didn't leave insted he said i thought I herd you asking her to be our mate."

" **No, I wanted her to be my doormat."**

"oh uh yeh. yELLED STARPaw but he didn;t leaf instead he jumped on GrayStripe!1!11

 **1!1!1 Starpaw is very open about cheating on Firestar ;D**

"I Want to be wit her!" said FireHart attakin GraySriep.

" **SHE'S MY DOORMAT."**

"No I do!" shouted.

 **Who shouted? StarClan?**

"guysys stop fihting you can BOTH be my mats! StarPaw wispered apply like seCert."

 **She must be telling other she-cats how to be mates with two toms at once**

"No we can;t do that their can only be 1!11 Howled Firestar. "Otterwies youll chet on us."

 **THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!**

"So StarGleam, who will u pik?" giggled GayStipe.

 ***Giggles* Thank god it's over!**


	5. Chapter Untidles

Chapter Five Untidles

UR OLL JUST SAINTS y cant u just except jEsuss it wold mae ur life so much mor engoyable u would never haf to worr/ again

 **I may be 'religious' but I would never threaten someone about it ._.**

StarPaw sad "I..i….." she was so foncusded! Thes to cats hard asked her to b there mates an wht was she supops to do? They we beoth handsome and althing, but bot had matss! Nhd she luvved them both! FirstAr wus so kind and he oviusly likked her allot. GayStirpe was so funny and col.

 **Starpaw is actually considering their mates. Probably won't mention them after this chapter.**

"!" said StarPaw ass she ruan in to the forest. It wus to muck# she culdnt choss!

" **EXCLAMATION POINT."**

She run and ran and run til ur paws her hurtinged. Hen she rrellized she corsed the broader. Oih no she thugh Shadowclan will get me. "wut are you ding here?" sd BalkStar s he waked up.

" **Hey, it's that dumbass that attacked me when I just needed to talk to Firestar."**

"I'm sorry!" mewoed StarKit I didn't men too!'

 **Oh really?**

That's ok" sed blackStar. "no wons perfeck.""no that's not true." Said StarPaw, offed. "StarClan is.""Waht do you mena?" wemed BlackStar.

" **What's a StarClan? I'm a ShadowClan cat, so I hate everything to do with religion."**

"well the give us all this halpand stuff" said Starpaw. "without them we wold be lust." She said.

 **They would be lust. I don't want to picture that in my head.**

"I gess that's ter " balkcStar said, "besid I didn't relly mean that neway.

" **J.K I'm not an atheist."**

"o really why?" said starpaw. "becus yo are."

 **Starpaw told herself that in my head.**

'WHAT' YOWLED sTarpaw jumping away BlackkStarTried to nugle her. "WHAT ARE O TRIG TO DO MOLE STRAEP ME?1?"

 **Starpaw actually caught onto older toms trying to 'mole straep' her.**

"e—" BlakStar started too expaln, but, StarPw wass to quick

 **Blackstar, according to Moonkitti's videos, said "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"**

"no" she Sid "I don't doned another tom after me!" "I got enog porbelms arigt now anywy!

 **Like what?**

"but yor pahfect." Said Blackstar. "you betted me in badle you HAVE TO BE "

 **If beating someone in battle meant they were perfect, ShadowClan and WindClan cats would appreciate everyone, and call them perfect.**

"NO!" shitted SarPaw Again runnin into the forst. Ters ralled down her checks she was cyring. 'its too much" sahe though. "Starcalnb help me….!"

 **She 'shitted' herself.**


End file.
